The New Ms. Siu

Who am I in this new chapter of life?

Archive for the month “November, 2012”

A Love Letter

Dear My Baby aka Honey,
I know you feel sad about not getting that job.  I think you feel rejected or maybe that you have failed.  I am so sorry for leaving you alone with those feelings yesterday.  I feel like I let you down.  You would never make me feel guilty for that because you do not think like that.  You are so kind to me, even when I don’t feel deserving of your kindness.  When you got that phone call I thought that you would be offered that position.  I just felt so sure that you would be able to move on from your current situation into another career that would really appreciate your talent.  So when it didn’t happen I simply could not believe it.  I thought maybe there was just some miscommunication.  I still cannot believe that anyone, let alone an employer, would speak to you and not see all of the potential and desire you have.  Your drive to succeed, your amazing work ethic, your ability to learn and master new skills as soon as they’re explained to you, the way you treat employees; all people, with genuine respect, and the heart and soul you put into everything you do… these are just a few out of the hundreds of reasons I fell in love with you.  You are a man of integrity, substance, and honorable character.  How could anyone not truly see you?  I told you to be proud of the effort you had made to change careers.  Those first steps are the hardest and you did it!  Yes, it hurts to not get what you want no matter how hard you work for it.  It’s okay to be disappointed with the outcome, however, it is important to celebrate all that you put into this too.  All of us have dreamed about finding that new awesome job and leaving behind our current situation.  For many people it will only exist in a dream.  The want is there but the heart to make the change often is not.  I have been a dreamer where you became a do-er.  I am so proud of you.  You have tried, you will try again, and try many more times, and you will ultimately get what you want and what you deserve.  I am yours and you are mine and because of that I feel perfect in an imperfect world.  Know that there is nothing more you have to prove to me.  I am deeply in love with you.  So today, and everyday after, I commit to be the best me I can be in the service of us and with love and respect for you.  I will not make this, my first love letter to you, become my last.  Everyday we have spent and will spend together I am learning how to be the best version of me so that I can also encourage the best version of you.  Day after day we grow together and maybe we learn something through our process.  The years will pass and a series of experiences will become wisdom.  Those years become a decade or two, maybe three, possibly four and I hope to have earned a life well lived.  We will have time spent well.  Maybe children become adults we are proud to know.  This is wear my dreamer meets my do-er.  We will live as in a dream, and why not?  Nothing is impossible when we are together.  I love you honey.  Thank you for loving me too.

All My Love,

Allison

Chapter One, Book Two: New Beginnings

I have just entered the next stage of my life and I no longer feel sure about anything I once thought I knew.  I love to learn.  If I don’t know something I read as much as I can until I feel sufficiently knowledgeable.  I used to feel that I had all the answers and even when I didn’t I knew I could easily find them.  Was it just the idealism of youth?  I thought I was completely self-aware and knew my strengths and weaknesses, my potential and my limits.  I recognized where I was lacking and knew where I was complete.  I now recognize that through a series of major life events (of which I will go into detail later) I started to very slowly come undone.  The unraveling was something I didn’t realize at first.  Day by day, with every passing year, I started to understand what was happening to me.  Now I am reevaluation myself and the direction on my life.  I hope to find answers here, by writing it down, getting it out of my head, and ultimately one day seeing what I cannot right now.  I welcome the opinions and wisdom of others.  I would love to find those who have feelings that echo my own, as well as people who have put in the time and have the experience to share the wisdom they have earned.  Here we go….

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